Follow Up to Friday Treats...

Give and you shall receive.

Isn't that SO true!  I can get so wrapped up in my SELF that I sometimes forget that...but when you GIVE to friends, neighbors, family, strangers, etc. it always comes back in some way whether it be warm fuzzies, fond memories, or a ROCK?!

Jay came home from school Monday and as we were sitting at the kitchen table eating a snack he got a BIG smile on his face and his little expression that says "I just remembered something!".  He reached into his little pocket and pulled out a ROCK.  He said, "Mommy, I found this rock on the sidewalk today at recess.  I hid it in my pocket, took it to the bathroom with me.  I washed it off with soap and dried it off and put it back in my pocket for you!"

Don't even get me started how happy this made me that my sweet boy was thinking of me.  That simple rock placed on my desk makes me smile all throughout my day. 

We've both been brave throughout this first week of school, but I think somehow he knew I needed my own little treat that said, "I'm thinking of you."

Friday Treats...

When I was growing up there were some days when I would get home from school and there was a treat on my bed.  Recently I asked my mom about those treats.  She said she would put a treat on my bed on Fridays.  "Only if I had a good week?," I asked.  "No...good or bad, just a treat for making it through the week," was her response.


Bat bag for Jay.

I loved the treats I used to get and I loved her response.  Sometimes kids (and adults!) need a little treat "just because"...a treat that says..."You are special.  When I wasn't with you this week, I saw this and thought of you."


"Tangled" shirt for Betsy.

 We made it through our first week of school...and believe me, there were many times I thought of them.  Hopefully they thought of me some too!  :)

A Cemetary Visit..with children.

My brother and Grandpa share the same birthday.  It has been a tradition in our family to always celebrate their birthdays together.  Their birthday, and Christmas, were the two times each year when my mom's whole family would be together and there were really great times with really great memories.

I love how traditions evolve and one year Grandpa started buying them matching shirts and each year they would wear the same shirt at the party.

The thing about traditions is that they are AMAZING when you have them, but when something changes and you don't have them then it feels like a little piece of you is missing.  Bart and Grandpa were extremely close...for Bart every birthday will be bittersweet.  I think that is why it is so important as our life evolves that we create new traditions to fill some of that void within us.

{Sidenote:  If you happen to be a couple that every year fusses about which family you will spend time with because of this tradition of hers or that tradition of his.  After the heated debate make sure that you reflect on how blessed you both are to come from families that had established traditions that affected each of you so much that you were willing to debate them!}

That all being said, Monday was their birthday and my Aunt Nancy called me to see if I would like to go with her to the cemetary after I picked the kids up...she would bring some bread...so they could feed the fish and turtles (there is a pond there).  I agreed and without much thought of conversations that might come up with a 3 and 5 year old in a cemetary we got out of the car.  All they had heard was, "We are visiting Grandpa."

Jay:  "Where's Grandpa?"
Me:  "Honey, he's not here.  You know where Grandpa is."
Jay:  "He's in heaven with God."
Betsy:  "So is this heaven?"
Me (finally clueing in):  "No, this isn't heaven."
Betsy:  "But there is Jesus." (points to statue of Jesus)
Me:  "Yes, that is only statue of Jesus...Jesus is in heaven.  Heaven is not here on Earth.  When you die your spirit, soul, personality, everything that makes up YOU goes to heaven to be with God and your body stays here.  Your body is just a shell for you to use while you are on Earth.  After you die and everything else is gone your body is buried here in the ground to remember you by."
Jay:  "So Grandpa is in the ground?"
Me:  "Yes, right here by Grammie, his wife."
Jay (shrugging his little shoulders):  "Well, let's just dig him up!"
Me (Not sure whethere to laugh or cry...chose to laugh):  "No...I wish it was that easy...Let's go feed the fish!"

I was in no way prepared for this impromptu conversation about death, heaven, burials...but somehow it turned out informative and not too creepy.  (Considering where we were, I like to think that maybe there were a few spirits helping!)

A Mom's Prayer on the First Day of School.



Image Source: Redbubble

Their backpacks are loaded and their faces are scrubbed and their lunch cards are full.

And I know you'll walk with them, Lord. You always do. But a mom still has to ask:

Will You walk with them? 

Will You whisper to them what they need to hear, when I'm not there to whisper it?

Will You please, oh please, cover their school with the protection only You can give, and

will You keep harm far away?

Will You make their minds strong and ready to learn? 

Will You help them understand that hard work honors the One who created them?

Will You guide their teachers, giving them patience and wisdom and creativity and more patience? 

Will You bless them for their efforts?

Will You love all those children there, the ones whose lunch accounts aren't full, the ones who feel alone? 

Will You teach my children to be kind and unselfish and to love those who are different from them?

Will You point them back toward home just as soon as you can?

Lord, I give them to You today, and everyday, trusting them to Your care.

In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

Source:  Six Happy Hearts

A prayer is the best way to find peace...and I know I'll need this prayer MULTIPLE times tomorrow!!!  The best of luck to all of my friends with little K students headed to school tomorrow!  I will be thinking of {and praying for} each of you!

Family Night...

At the Power of Moms Retreat I went to earlier this year we talked about many great ideas about solidifying your family.  What it kind of reminded me of was instead of just viewing your family as "any group"...you view them as "THE group". 

• A metaphor would be a student at a school verses a student that went "Greek".  No matter what view you have of Greek organizations you can definitely appreciate the BOND they have with each other. 
• Another example would be an employee of just any company versus an employee of a company that really makes you feel a part of it...so much so that you are PROUD to associate yourself with it.

This really made sense to me...and it made sense that if estabished early with small children that it would create family-centered teens (hopefully that will be true!).

To enhance this bond, mottos, awards, expectations of behavior, financial discussions, rules, special occasions, service ideas, etc. all are discussed and really molded to work for your family "group" (Just like you would for a Greek group or a corporation).  The theme being:  This is what we believe, how we act and what we care about in OUR family.

So...for a start, we have worked on a Family Motto and established a Family Night.

"Family Walk Night" at a local park

On family night you can DO anything...you just have a presence of mind that you are all doing it together.  Almost all of ours don't cost a dime.  Anything you make a big deal about and call it by a special name kids will gravitate towards it.  Examples of our "family night" activities:

"Family Game Night"
"Family Walk Night"
"Family-Play together outside-Night"
"Family-Dance on the porch-Night"
"Family Movie Night"
"Family Swim Night"

I always try and work in some type of confidence booster.  For example, if we were playing games, we may each say something we think is special about the person that wins the game.  Or if we are throwing the ball outside together I'll work in the first "round" that whoever catches the ball has to say something they think is special about the person that threw it to them.

***Reality check.  Sometimes "family night" games can turn sour.  By no means are they perfect.  Whining and bickering WILL happen some (from both children and hubby).  Example:  A recent seemingly fun game of Connect 4 turned into a FREE FOR ALL.  You WILL ask yourself...Why am I planning things for these two little brats?!  But...I'm hoping if I stick with it, the results will show.  As with building anything...it takes time, effort and PATIENCE (Which is a virtue I struggle with and pray for daily!)!***

You can also use this night to compliment when you notice your child use good manners, tell the truth, stand up for a friend, etc.  For example, this week at the library the kids were standing right by me quietly as I took some books back.  In this split second of good behavior (because the trip definitely included some bad behavior that they received punishment for when we got home...and they have been on a LONG restriction from the library from the last HORRIBLE trip we had there), they even received a compliment from the librarian (She probably remembered us from last time and was shocked...they MAY even have a picture of us in the back as "out of control library children to watch"!)!  I'm making little manners ribbons for them to hang on their door.  I'm also making a little responsibility award for Bet for her shoe closet actions.  (Since I am on their case SO MUCH about bad behavior and correction of behavior I think this is especially important for them to see that I do appreciate and recognize the times of GOOD that are speckled in!)

I read this post that I really liked today.  Since our Family Night falls on Tuesdays, I think it is a great idea to incorporate "Back to School" into Family Night this week.  Knowing my love of school supplies.  New Crayolas WILL be involved! :)

What are some of the things you like to do on Family Night?

Just be you.

At Montessori school children ages 3 to 6 are put together in one room.  Since they are, the little kids really look up to the big kids.  Over the last two years Jay has been especially enthralled with the "big kids" and I could see his little mind working as he wanted to wear certain shorts and shoes because they were like the "big kids" wear.  Each time he would do this I would tell him, "You don't always have to be looking to others for what to wear or do...Just be you.  Wear it because YOU want to, not because they wear it."  Of course all I would get back was a blank stare with, "This IS what I want to wear."

This morning he decided that he wanted to wear a pair of Betsy's socks to school.  They were teal with big yellow polka dots...and this time it was me worrying about him "fitting in".  I said, "Are you sure you want to wear those socks?  Do you think your friends will say they are GIRL socks?"  He confidently shrugged his shoulders in a 'no big deal' kind of way and said, "No. It doesn't matter what they say."  I guess he's the "big kid" now.

This all made me think.  We want our children to march to the beat of their own drum, but when it comes right down to it, we are also a little afraid of what might transpire if they are TOO different.  So much so that we want to protect them from getting their feelings hurt. 

I have been cultivating this confidence of "just be you"...but it took everything in me not to send him with a change of socks for "just in case".

Chores with small children...

When I've been talking about chores with the kids I have been categorizing it as something you choose to do because you love your house, love your family and love helping others (See Family Motto).  It's a simple explanation and I think they get it.  They have had chores in their rooms for a while...keep floor clear of toys and clothes, keep closet organized, put away clean clothes into drawers, etc. 

I've been making a big deal about the PRIDE that comes from a clean space with signs and praise.  I have found that what works best for us is to set the timer for 15 min every day when we get home (Fly Lady) and we all three clean up our rooms...at the end I go on and on about how proud I am of my clean room and they do the same and then I say "Now that we have our rooms clean and our chores done we can have some FUN!"

Lately, I've been enlisting their help in other areas of the house. 

As I mentioned here, most of the time when you expect more of your children, they will exceed your expectations...and I'm finding chores fall into this.

When Justin was in Omaha I asked Jay to start feeding the dog.  I showed him very specifically how to do it the first night...each and every step nice and slow.  The second night he fed the dog as I watched.  Since then he's been feeding the dog each night and he REALLY loves that he's helping and doing a chore that DADDY did.

Well, although Bet has some chores of her own too...she really had a fit..."What AM I going to DO EVERY night when Jay feeds Stonie?!"  Hurriedly, I said, "How about you organize the shoe closet? (We don't wear our shoes upstairs and there is a small closet downstairs where we keep our shoes.)  It is a WRECK!  Every night you can straighten shoes up."  She wasn't really satisfied that this chore was as fun, but she said "Okay." and got to straightening.

So she's been doing that each night.

Last night we got home late from the beach and we all threw our shoes in the shoe closet and apparently there was some sand on the shoes.  This morning, Bet goes to put her shoes on for school and next thing I know she has pulled out most of the shoes in a pile and instructed Jay to get the small dustpan and brush that I keep under the sink.  I peeped in to see what they were up to and she was dusting up the sand and muttering about "what a sandy MESS" the closet was!  She sent Jay to throw the sand away as she put all of the shoes neatly back!

Inside I was CHEERING!  It wasn't time for her to be tending to the closet and I hadn't mentioned a THING about it...

Moral:  Kids LOVE to help.  If you teach them how they can help, they can be a big help!  When you expect more of children, they will EXCEED your expectations.