Train a Child....

I have read that children between the ages of three and eight begin to acquire the sense of self they will come to know as their own being AND those that acquire sense of self later in the teenage years will suffer from emotional distress because of it.  Wow!  Doesn't that sentence make our jobs as parents of young children sound important!  It IS important!

We've really been working on filling up this "sense of self"...connecting "self" with Choosing to Love God and Choosing to Love Others.

This video makes me smile!  I know it makes God smile too!

Hmmm...

I see Betsy playing with her babies...Something she's been doing a LOT lately...

Me:  "Are you changing your baby's diaper?"
Betsy:  "No, I'm getting ready to ask her fake dad to change it for her."

Prayer Request...

Isn't it funny through blogging how we can read about and really get to know people through their words...even though we haven't met them...

I know some people who follow hundreds of blogs...but I only follow a few...and of the few I read...each week I'm inspired in some way.  Whether it is inspiration to be a better mother, a better friend, a better Christian...

This morning as I read Ashley's blog I was so impressed with her faith that I wanted to pass it along.  Over the past few months she has written some beautiful posts on faith as she has gone through trials...losing her father suddenly, having a miscarriage and now a molar pregancy.  She has a beautiful attitude and her comment about "God would just know I'm faking it" says so much about her relationship with God and I feel sure her faith and friendship with God will one day lead her through the narrow door (Luke 13: 22-30).

Please add Ashley to your daily prayer list.

It's a sad day in the Brown household...

I'm sorry but I'm going to have to vent here for a moment.  Flipper has been pulled from TV,  apparently it was too wholesome (morals, conservation, family values, love of animals, great displays of a healthy sibling relationship and a father that makes sure his boys do chores before play and "do the right thing"...etc.).  Actually, the whole "American Life Network", a Christian-owned network that offered conservative family-oriented programming (launched on May 1, 1985), has been pulled...the channel will be rebranded as "You-too" and the only "retro" shows on their schedule will be Batman, The Green Hornet, and The X-Files.  Grrr!

I can't put into words how angry I am.  I guess it's just not as popular as "Almost Naked Animals" or some brain-trash like that.

Justin looked last night to find something to replace Flipper and, with our umteen channels, Leave it to Beaver and the Addams Family, two of his favorites, were sadly no where to be found either.

As with toys, I think some of the best shows were ones from the 1950s and 1960s.  They show a world where television shows set an example for how people should live.  I'm sure things weren't perfect in "real life" like they showed in the TV shows...but when you chose to watch something, it was a positive experience and you got something out of it.  Those shows were using TV as an instrument to entertain, but to also teach...to IMPROVE our American culture, not destroy it.

One thing I love to look for in the Bible are versus that were written so many years ago that still apply today...When TV and internet didn't exist I know words were written to guide us.  In Matthew 17 Jesus talks about temptations to sin.  When I think about today's programming and that I have a CHOICE in what my children watch (and what I watch for that matter!)I think of these verses.

"If anyone should cause one of these little ones to lose his faith in me, it would be better for that person to have a large millstone tied around his neck and be drowned in the deep sea.  How terrible for the world that there are things that make people lose their faith!  Such things will always happen---but how terrible for the one who causes them!...If your eye makes you lose your faith, take it out and throw it away!"

There are many TV shows out there that set bad examples and make you "lose your faith", ie desensitize your mind and "grey" the area between black and white.  These verses make me understand that I have to be careful with my own shows!...and REALLY careful with my childrens'!  Especially, when the "TV world" isn't in the business of helping us parents out!

Attention Addiction Part One: Where I went wrong.

Hello.  We are Jay and Betsy...and we are addicted to attention.

Since I started this motherhood journey I have really tried my best to do it "right".  I obsessively read parenting books and soak up as much as I can so when an issue comes up I can be ready for it.  For the most part I thought I was doing all the "right" things when it came to helping my kids grow, learn, develop and become independent.

I recently discovered that when I started working part-time this summer, without even realizing it, I slipped into a known "no-no".  I have been child-focused in the afternoons.  I hurry and make sure all my "work", both house work and work-work, is finished before they come home from school so our afternoons together are uninterruped...which in the moment seemed "right".

If my children were babies...or even toddlers...this would be okay.  However, since they are not babies or toddlers...the timing was off on my new-found time.  They are at the age where they should be needing me less, not more.

The trouble is, with the flexibility of my new schedule and my internal feelings about having a Kindergartener, I have been setting up an environment where they need me more...In turn, making us all selfish.  In the afternoons we have been reading together, doing workbooks together, going on walks together, talking about our day together, baking together, singing and dancing together...

While all of these things seem wonderful, it is hours each day together...Yes, too much love and attention (in an older child) can be counterproductive.  They need play time...in our own house and own yard...with me nearby...but not involved.  I need to show them I love them by being near and available when needed, but not child-centered.  They need time to discover things.  Time to be children...be imaginative, create, build, dance, sing without a cheering section (me!).  They need to see me doing things for others...or for myself...and not them.

In the words of Nanny McPhee, "When you need me, but do not want me, then I will stay. When you want me, but do not need me, then I have to go."

I need to teach them that they are loved...deeply, by me and God...without them thinking that constant attention=love.  I want them to see that there are many ways to give and receive love...and being self-centered is not the way to fill that void.

Up next:  Attention Addiction Part Two:  How I came to this revelation.

Hello. My name is Sally...

and my children are addicted to attention.

More soon on 1) where I went wrong...2) how I came to this revelation and 3) what I'm doing about it!

Any child can be taught to be beautifully behaved with no effort greater than quiet patience and perseverance, whereas to break bad habits once they are acquired is a Herculean task.
-Emily Post

Finally!

My kids had a case of (what the Berenstain Bears call) the "green-eyed gimmies".  After months of me deliberately changing our focus...really focusing on family rather than STUFF, including family-only birthdays, this week we had two breakthroughs!!!

1) On Friday when GDad came through town it took a full hour (believe me, that's saying something!) before they asked if he had brought them anything...and when he hadn't there was no fussing!

2)  On Saturday after Bet spilled yet another drink...and JB groaned in aggravation...I had an idea to have a "Family Drink Contest".  (As I've mentioned before...kids LOVE to get involved with anything that has props and fancy names!) 

I suggested teams (Jay & JB, Bet & me) and whichever team went without spilling a drink for 7 days (not consecutive) would win.  We drew up goal charts and the aggravation of drink-spilling has turned into a fun game...It was REALLY fun on Sunday when JB spilled at lunch!!! :)

Anyway...I digress...as I announced the game I said, "What should the winner get to do?!"  Betsy exclaims, "I know!  Go on a flashlight walk together!"  I couldn't believe it!  AND she said it with the same excitement of "get a toy"...or..."get candy".  LOVE a breakthrough!