Be Ye Kind.

**I get SO much encouragement from other mom-blogs!  I'm thrilled when I get ideas from them and they work in our home.  I hope that when I share ideas from our home, you feel the same way!**

Many of the blogs I read take a "word" or a "phrase" for the year.  I love the simplicity of it, so for 2013 our "phrase" is "BE KIND".  It goes along well with our "Family Motto".  During Christmas I had gotten SO fed up with the "Green-eyed Gimmies" I was completely disgusted and felt like I was failing to teach my children to think of others.

As I have written before, kids just love things when you get all fancy-pants and make a big deal about them.  A jacket with butterflies on it is transformed when a certain little girl is called "Our Lady of the Butterflies" when she wears it.  A double-wide where we spend a week each summer is a bit more magical when called "Our Summer Home".  So in the spirit of it all, I have really taken "Be Kind" and run with it.

I had a big "Family Meeting" about the phrase and

The Wheatfield

...ordered this print for the living room.

I know the Bible says that if you tell others about kind deeds then they don't really "count", but I like to think that he gives us a little wiggle room when we are teaching children.  Children are NOT born kind...they need lots of help!  They need examples of what it means to be kind.  They need confessions from us about times when we have not been kind and we are sorry. 

We are ALL born so selfish and we have to suppress selfishness our whole lives.  Sharing out loud is teaching them so much about what kind "looks like".  We have had some great discussions about what kindness is.  Basically something that you don't HAVE to do, and something you have not been ASKED to do, but you do because you know it would make someone feel loved.

So in the month of January we began sharing each night at supper one kind thing we did each day...Outside The Home.  We talked about how we do our best recognize and practice kind acts within our home so we can take kindness out into the world!  The incentive was candy (A Hershey Kiss...and now two Skittles), of course - I always find candy to be a fabulous incentive.

I want to share with y'all how amazing this "phrase" business has been after just one month!  What I love is that once I got the ball rolling, they have run with it.

-The second we are all at the table, after the blessing, they are SO excited to share what they have done kind that day...and hear our examples.  It has really changed our whole dinner focus.

-Betsy suggested a couple weeks in.  "How about we do two things kind for a Kiss?...Sure!

-Jay suggested that we write our kindness acts down and see if we can get to 100 and when we get to 100 we can do a fun family activity...Sure!

So already our goals have grown and right before my eyes my children...actually all of us...are changing our "mirrors" to "windows" and seeing the world differently. 

This is it.

Jay's First Day of 1st Grade

It took two days to hit me.  I had felt shock, fear, gratitude, worry...It took two days to feel genuinely SAD.  

Our children's program was yesterday.  It was on my mind as the kids came in.  I teared up as they sang song after song about Jesus's birth. 

The raw sadness hit when they left the stage.  Empty chairs. 18 empty chairs in the front row.  Mentally I add two more chairs.  

Empty chairs...where smiling faces had just been.

20 kids that had most likely been practicing for their own Christmas program.

20 kids, just like these joyful kids in front of me, singing about Jesus and LOVE.

20 kids that had done nothing wrong.

20 kids that have parents who will have a lasting image of a little LLBean bookbag getting smaller and smaller, then disappearing behind closed doors.

I'm holding my own tiny Lucy in my arms as the tears fall.  Her innocent smile.  Her whole life ahead of her.  

I look beside me at Justin holding my sweet Betsy.  She's so happy...feeling all fancy in her new polka dot tights.  I look over to my left and I see my first born sitting with his group, surrounded by his friends.  Adorable little faces...all dressed in their Christmas program best...little friends I'm thankful to have grown closer to in K Sunday School and VBS.  He smiles and waves. The tears keep falling.

20 chairs will be empty in their church. 
An entire classroom will be empty in their school. 

A little voice. "Mommy, why are you crying?"  It makes me cry harder to know that I can't even tell her why I'm crying because the sins of that day are too horrific.  I just say, "Because I just love you so much and am so proud of you."

Carefully selected gifts this Christmas that will be given away, unopened by their intended recipient.  Empty stockings.

Empty chairs at the dinner table.

Empty beds filled with loveys and blankies and favorite stuffed animals.

Already printed Christmas cards that will be a lasting eerie image of the final family picture.

Parents who will ask "Why?". 

Parents, just like me, who will have regrets.  Maybe one of them missed eating lunch the day before because they were too busy.  Maybe one of them was too tired to read "one more book" the night before.  Maybe one of them had a late dinner or holiday party and missed the bedtime routine.  Maybe one of them had an argument at breakfast.  Maybe one of them forgot to kiss and hug their sweet child as they got out of the car because they were on their stupid iphone.

Maybe one of them was so distracted on the ride to school that for the life of them they cannot remember the last words their child said to them...they can't remember the last words they said to their child.

Parents who will want to know that their child knew:

etsy.com/shop/thewheatfield

I pray for these families.  I pray for my own children.  I read Stormie during this storm.

Empty chairs.

This tragedy has made me pause.  It's made me reflect on my day to day.  Am I living with no regrets?  Am I being intentional about every moment?  Do I deliberately Choose to Love?  Do I talk to God enough?  Do I pray that He will be involved in every facet of my life, every moment of my day?

etsy.com/shop/thewheatfield

We are only given one life and every day is a gift. 

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:16

May God bless the families of Newtown with peace this Christmas.  After all, its no secret that kids LOVE a party and this Christmas I know one classroom of sweet, sweet children that is will be attending one HECK of a birthday party. 

www.etsy.com/shop/vintageinclination

Through my tears, that makes me smile.

Mommy is not perfect.

At LEAST once a week I lose it...Really lose it.  An example of a "lose it" moment:

We are on our way out the door (not late yet) and I have calmly stated, "Put your shoes on" 18,000 times as I gather my all my crap together.  As as I'm FINALLY ready to walk out the door feet are bare.  "Losing it" sounds something like this:
 
"WHY ARE YOUR SHOES NOT ON?!  WHAT IS SOOO HARD ABOUT THAT?!  IN THE LAST FIVE MINUTES I HAVE GOTTEN LUCY IN THE CARSEAT, MADE A BOTTLE, PACKED A DIAPER BAG, MADE US ALL WATERS, because you asked me to and I was being NICE, PUT MY SHOES ON AND ALL YOU HAD TO DO, which I told you 18,000 times, was PUT YOUR SHOES ON!  PUT YOUR SHOES ON NOOOWWW!  and thanks to YOU, now we are late.  UHHH!"
 
This rant ends with me slamming the door to the garage, loading up my crap and starting the car.  My little ducklings stop whatever non-shoe-putting-on activity that they were doing (probably something messy that I will be cleaning up later) and they are all business getting in the car.  We ride in silence.

I seethe in silence for the next five minutes.  My jaw hurts from where I have it clenched.  Although in the moment I felt 100% justified..."I just wasn't being HEARD!", about 5 minutes later the Holy Spirit shows up and I feel really crummy.  I beat myself up and think about how childish it was for me to throw a tantrum and wonder why I can't "Choose to Love" in every moment of our day.  And my two little ducklings are very quiet and very obedient and it is eerie and weird and it makes me feel even worse.

Just like when JB and I fuss, I know I'll feel crummy until we patch things up, so that's when I put on my mommy-panties and apologize.

"Listen you two, I'm sorry that I yelled.  I love you both SO much, but I just get SO frustrated when I ask y'all to do something and no one listens to me.  Mommy works hard to get us where we need to be and I need y'all to help me by being good listeners.  Would you feel angry if you wanted me to listen to you and I wouldn't? (They nod.)  I lost my temper and the way I yelled was not loving at ALL.  Will you forgive me?"

And, just like our loving Father, they do.  They always do.  And when that thick cloud that was hanging over us all lifts, I'm so thankful and glad that I asked.  Mommy is NOT perfect, but she always loves her babies.

Big Brother...

Betsy is enthralled with babies.  She is SO sweet and helpful with them.

But she's not the only one!

Whether it be with friends or siblings, one of my top 10 simple JOYS in life is to see children interact sweetly with each other.  Don't you agree?

MLK...

It's easy to get wrapped up in all of the problems our generation of kids will deal with.  But there are positives too...Are we not blessed that our kids are growing up in a generation with examples of love, not hate?

Last Wednesday after school...

Jay:  Mommy, today we learned about a man who was a "leader for the right" like you tell us to be.

Me:  Oh really?  What did you learn?

Jay:  We learned about Martin Luther King, Jr.  He told people not to fight, but to love each other, and he got shot for it.

Me:  Sometimes when you are a "leader for the right" not everyone agrees.

Jay:  Yeah, but he was right.  Even though people are different on the outside, they are the same on the inside.  We are like eggs.

Me:  Eggs?

Jay:  Our teacher showed us a brown egg and a white egg and we had to vote if we thought they were the same or different on the inside.

Me:  That was a great example!  How did you vote?

Jay:  I won!  I said that even though they are different on the outside, they are the same on the inside...just like people.  When she broke the eggs I was right!

Me:  Very good!  Wow!  You learned a lot today and you are exactly right.  God made us all very different on the outside, but, inside, we are all very special to Him.

Do we LOVE? (even in the morning)

Our new commandment:  LOVE one another. (John 13:34)

Between the time JB and Jay kiss me goodbye and the time I force my feet to hit the floor there is a 30 minute window...In my opinion it is my "very best sleep" period and I'm determined each morning to enjoy it. 

The problem with this is...10 minutes in, Betsy gets up to see the boys leave.  She likes to stand at our bedroom window and see them off...smiling and waving.  (I'm sure it MAKES their morning, but it doesn't do much for mine.)

In this one 20 minute period (The first 20 minutes of my day)...I'm not as joyful as my little angel.  After I hear her "send-off" the boys, my eyes still closed, I hear her little feet coming toward me.  I feel her staring at me.  She turns on my bedside lamp.  I thrash around like a teen being woke up early on a Saturday.  Gruffly, I ask her to please turn off the light and invite her to lay down with me quietly for 17 min (Yes, now we are down to 17 precious min).  She starts in with the chatter.  "I'm not tired.", "Will you read me a book?", "I'm ready for my bath.", "What are we having for breakfast?"

This morning, still gruff, I told her (as I do most mornings) to "Please leave my room until my alarm goes off!"  She doesn't like my tone.  I hear her little feet leaving the room.  The hall light goes on...she sets up camp right outside my door doing something...singing while she plays.  I roll over again...at least she's not right by my bed.

When my alarm goes off I slowly sit up, rubbing my eyes...rummaging for my glasses. When I open my eyes, she's there...with a BIG smile, "Look what I drew for you while you were sleeping!"  I pause and take it all in.

 
I thank her, hug her and ask her to get that book she wanted me to read so we can cuddle up and read it...

That simple picture made me feel so loved and also filled me with questions.  I took it as a "God moment" that I could be doing better. 

When and how do I show love? 
Do I show love first thing in the morning? 
How do I show love to my family throughout my day? 
How can I be better?

A twist on 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7  Do we LOVE?

I am patient and kind (even in the morning).
I am not jealous or conceited or proud.
I am not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable (even in the morning).
I do not keep a record of wrongs.
I am not happy with evil, but am happy with the truth.
I never give up; and my faith hope and patience never fail.

I'm going to do better.  I need to frame that little heart picture by my bed as a daily reminder...because I'm sure tomorrow, when I live my "Groundhog Day" morning over again, I'll need a reminder.

Hello. My name is Sally...

and my children are addicted to attention.

More soon on 1) where I went wrong...2) how I came to this revelation and 3) what I'm doing about it!

Any child can be taught to be beautifully behaved with no effort greater than quiet patience and perseverance, whereas to break bad habits once they are acquired is a Herculean task.
-Emily Post

Follow Up to Friday Treats...

Give and you shall receive.

Isn't that SO true!  I can get so wrapped up in my SELF that I sometimes forget that...but when you GIVE to friends, neighbors, family, strangers, etc. it always comes back in some way whether it be warm fuzzies, fond memories, or a ROCK?!

Jay came home from school Monday and as we were sitting at the kitchen table eating a snack he got a BIG smile on his face and his little expression that says "I just remembered something!".  He reached into his little pocket and pulled out a ROCK.  He said, "Mommy, I found this rock on the sidewalk today at recess.  I hid it in my pocket, took it to the bathroom with me.  I washed it off with soap and dried it off and put it back in my pocket for you!"

Don't even get me started how happy this made me that my sweet boy was thinking of me.  That simple rock placed on my desk makes me smile all throughout my day. 

We've both been brave throughout this first week of school, but I think somehow he knew I needed my own little treat that said, "I'm thinking of you."

Friday Treats...

When I was growing up there were some days when I would get home from school and there was a treat on my bed.  Recently I asked my mom about those treats.  She said she would put a treat on my bed on Fridays.  "Only if I had a good week?," I asked.  "No...good or bad, just a treat for making it through the week," was her response.


Bat bag for Jay.

I loved the treats I used to get and I loved her response.  Sometimes kids (and adults!) need a little treat "just because"...a treat that says..."You are special.  When I wasn't with you this week, I saw this and thought of you."


"Tangled" shirt for Betsy.

 We made it through our first week of school...and believe me, there were many times I thought of them.  Hopefully they thought of me some too!  :)

Chores with small children...

When I've been talking about chores with the kids I have been categorizing it as something you choose to do because you love your house, love your family and love helping others (See Family Motto).  It's a simple explanation and I think they get it.  They have had chores in their rooms for a while...keep floor clear of toys and clothes, keep closet organized, put away clean clothes into drawers, etc. 

I've been making a big deal about the PRIDE that comes from a clean space with signs and praise.  I have found that what works best for us is to set the timer for 15 min every day when we get home (Fly Lady) and we all three clean up our rooms...at the end I go on and on about how proud I am of my clean room and they do the same and then I say "Now that we have our rooms clean and our chores done we can have some FUN!"

Lately, I've been enlisting their help in other areas of the house. 

As I mentioned here, most of the time when you expect more of your children, they will exceed your expectations...and I'm finding chores fall into this.

When Justin was in Omaha I asked Jay to start feeding the dog.  I showed him very specifically how to do it the first night...each and every step nice and slow.  The second night he fed the dog as I watched.  Since then he's been feeding the dog each night and he REALLY loves that he's helping and doing a chore that DADDY did.

Well, although Bet has some chores of her own too...she really had a fit..."What AM I going to DO EVERY night when Jay feeds Stonie?!"  Hurriedly, I said, "How about you organize the shoe closet? (We don't wear our shoes upstairs and there is a small closet downstairs where we keep our shoes.)  It is a WRECK!  Every night you can straighten shoes up."  She wasn't really satisfied that this chore was as fun, but she said "Okay." and got to straightening.

So she's been doing that each night.

Last night we got home late from the beach and we all threw our shoes in the shoe closet and apparently there was some sand on the shoes.  This morning, Bet goes to put her shoes on for school and next thing I know she has pulled out most of the shoes in a pile and instructed Jay to get the small dustpan and brush that I keep under the sink.  I peeped in to see what they were up to and she was dusting up the sand and muttering about "what a sandy MESS" the closet was!  She sent Jay to throw the sand away as she put all of the shoes neatly back!

Inside I was CHEERING!  It wasn't time for her to be tending to the closet and I hadn't mentioned a THING about it...

Moral:  Kids LOVE to help.  If you teach them how they can help, they can be a big help!  When you expect more of children, they will EXCEED your expectations.

Sometimes-getting to the beach-is no day at the beach...

Picture this...

Swimsuits are clean and ready for wear (me).

Towels have been washed and packed into bags (me).

Lunches are made (me).

Snacks are packed (me and JB).

Coolers are packed with drinks for all (JB).

Sunscreen is put on every inch of everyone (JB).

We load the golf cart (JB).

We ride to the beach.

We unload the golf cart (me and JB).

I'm saddled down with the beach bag and two chairs.

Justin has the cooler, three umbrellas and more chairs.

We have about 100 steps to reach our spot.

It is HOT.

The sand is HOT.

We know it will be a FUN day when we get to our spot...but getting there seems HARD.

We have told the kids that they will carry their beach toys.  Jay has his two boogie boards in tow and here is Bet.

She stops mid-way.  Refuses to go any further.  The days before we had made a game of how many steps it would take to get there, but nope...that wasn't working today...she knew how many steps and she didn't want to take them.

...To any beach patrons who may have thought I was "Mommy Dearest" for telling this cute little thing pretty much ALL of the ABOVE to encourage {guilt} her to carry her toys down the beach...get over it!

Having her carry her toys is reasonable.  They are not heavy and it shows her that she is part of this family. 

Lessons can be taught-even on vacation!  As a family, we must all work together BEFORE we can have FUN.

Good advice.

Don't Tell Me

-Shel Silverstein

Please don't tell me I should hug,

Don't tell me I should care.

Don't tell me just how grand I'd feel

If I just learned to share.

Don't say, "It's all right to cry,"

"Be kind," "Be fair," "Be true."

Just let me see YOU do it,

Then I just might do it too.

This Week...

It's been one of those weeks that I want to turn back time...No matter what, "He is growing up!!!"

Monday:  Jay brought his first READING assignment home! (More on this later.)

Tuesday:  We bought school supplies. {Fun!}  I told Jay to color a picture to stick on the front of his binder.  He drew his new school...Since he usually seems to draw the whole family in every picture he draws.  I said, "Where are we in the picture?"..."Mommy, see how the windows are colored in...I'm inside

Wednesday:  We are playing Candy Land.  I scoop Bet up on my lap.  She says, "Mommy.  I don't want to sit on your lap right now.  I'm a BIG girl."  (Justin said I looked like I had been slapped....Please Bet, not THIS week.)

Thursday:  I go and fill out all appropriate paperwork to officially enroll my first born in KINDERGARDEN!  Complete with paying for school lunches, buying school t-shirts and getting his home room teacher.  I walked out of the gym with my head spinning, my heart beating FAST and my mouth dry.  Who is starting school, me or him?!

Thursday {night}:  I hop on my laptop and scroll through pictures of Jay through the past five years.  When people tell you that the time passes quickly...they are SO spot on.  Wasn't I just bringing home a newborn?!

On a brighter note, although I don't want him to grow up...he's handling all of this beautifully (obviously better than me).  And sometimes he says things that make my inflection of "He's growing up!!!" turn into a much more calm and proud..."He's really growing up."  Example:  A couple of weeks ago he said "Mommy, I have a really good idea.  How about we put a box in the house for others.  When we are finished with a toy that we don't want anymore we can put it in the box to go to other children that don't have any toys."  Hence our "Love Others" box was born.

Jay, although my palms are sweaty for you heading to "big school", I couldn't be more proud of the person you are growing up to be.

Advice from our elders...

I scanned in this photo for this post because they look like they are up to something. 
This is one of many adorable pictures that Heidi took!  I just loved how they all turned out!

Gone are the days when mothers and grandmothers live in the same town as their children.  Giving them advice and helping their children, new parents, get it together.


This weekend my children stayed with my parents.  When we got them back on Sunday I received a bad report.  Some people may not want to hear when their children are acting up...Not me!


At their school I let their teachers know right off the bat that if they have a behavior problem I want to know.  They appreciate this and luckily it has only been a few times that they have pulled me aside and said..."Jay/Betsy did [fill in the blank today], it is not a big deal, and actually at the time we tried not to laugh, but I know you would want to know."  And I do.  When they get home, appropriate talks are had about how we behave as part of this family...no matter what!


That being said, when I received a bad report of the weekend, I was frustrated, but grateful.  I said, please tell me what some of the main issues are and give me advice on what I should do?


Well, one of the main things was just spoiled rotten behavior...No pleases or thank yous.  Demanding one thing after another..."Give me a snack...I want to go outside...I want to watch a movie...Give me a drink."  You get the point.


I had been having the same issues and had been saying "Re-phrase." till I was blue in the face.  They would auto correct, but two minutes later would be bossing me to do something else.  I just hoped that it would eventually sink in. 


My mom gave me great advice..."If you see something is not working, change directions.  Try something else."  She suggested that when the little Neanderthals demanded something, simply say, "No.  But you can ask me again in five minutes.  (or for Bet, you can ask me again when the big hand is on the 3, 4, etc.)".  It's only been two days, but it is working marvelously!   They are using their manners beautifully and if we keep it up...it just may stick when we are out in public...or with the grandparents (fingers crossed!).


I guess my point is.  I can read all the parenting books I want...but every child is different.  Sometimes it is best to turn to those who know us and our children best and just say "Please help me!".


Another thing to remember is to never take offense to something a grandparent or teacher says.  They love your child too and are looking out for his/her best interest.  If you put frustrations aside, together, you can come up with a solution.  Example:  I remember one parent/teacher conference where Betsy's teacher was saying how, when it comes to the long lessons, there are a few that Betsy will do, but others will not hold her interest.  She asked if I had any insight into this and had me look through the long lessons she enjoys.  I noticed that they all involved animals and I told her teacher that it makes sense because Betsy really shows interest in animals.  She had not noticed that and she said she would incorporate animals somehow into the lessons she doesn't enjoy and see what happens.  Problem solved!