I am easily influenced.

A few years back a good friend told me I was "easily influenced".  At the time it bugged me and I dwelled on those two words for a long time.  You know how once you "name" something it really becomes noticeable and it's in the back of your mind nagging you?

Then something beautiful happened.  One day instead of those words nagging me I just went ahead and owned them...because they were true.  I AM easily influenced.  Let me tell ya, this was a wonderful feeling and it led me to exploring this statement about myself.  I'm a pleaser.  My "love language" is words of affirmation.  Knowing that I am easily influenced helps me to be aware that I need to surround myself with positive influences (daily prayer, good friends, Bible study groups, excellent parenting books/resources/blogs, etc.)  Over the past few years, being aware of that one simple statement has helped me GROW in my faith, friendships and parenting.

Personalities are formed at such an early age.  As my kids get older I am learning that if I observe what "makes them tick," I can parent them better.  Not only can I be better at "filling their love tanks", I can help them "name" qualities they have that we will have to nurture as they get older.  This is SO important because a quality (ie. easily influenced) can certainly be "fed" in healthy ways, but it can also be "fed" in very unhealthy ways.

Betsy is a "pleaser" for sure.  Sometimes it is a subtle "Do you like how I am listening Mommy?" and sometimes it is way more obvious.  Last night she is sitting beside me on the couch and hollers into the kitchen to JB, "Daddy, I really love this football game!"  Then she turns and whispers in my ear, "I really don't like football.  I'm just saying that because I know it makes Daddy happy."

I busted out laughing.  I'm telling you what, she's hysterical.  So many things about her are wise beyond her years and she has a VERY complex personality for a four year old.  I know that the more I observe and learn about her, the more I can help her GROW.  I'm up for the challenge!

PS:  I'm noticing WAY too many quotations here...I'm picturing myself as Chris Farley (SNL skit) flying into the air!

Just be you.

At Montessori school children ages 3 to 6 are put together in one room.  Since they are, the little kids really look up to the big kids.  Over the last two years Jay has been especially enthralled with the "big kids" and I could see his little mind working as he wanted to wear certain shorts and shoes because they were like the "big kids" wear.  Each time he would do this I would tell him, "You don't always have to be looking to others for what to wear or do...Just be you.  Wear it because YOU want to, not because they wear it."  Of course all I would get back was a blank stare with, "This IS what I want to wear."

This morning he decided that he wanted to wear a pair of Betsy's socks to school.  They were teal with big yellow polka dots...and this time it was me worrying about him "fitting in".  I said, "Are you sure you want to wear those socks?  Do you think your friends will say they are GIRL socks?"  He confidently shrugged his shoulders in a 'no big deal' kind of way and said, "No. It doesn't matter what they say."  I guess he's the "big kid" now.

This all made me think.  We want our children to march to the beat of their own drum, but when it comes right down to it, we are also a little afraid of what might transpire if they are TOO different.  So much so that we want to protect them from getting their feelings hurt. 

I have been cultivating this confidence of "just be you"...but it took everything in me not to send him with a change of socks for "just in case".